Grumpy Old Wit: The funniest things you never said

A compilation of my favorite grumpy quotations!

Although its true that blondes have more fun, it’s important to remember that they also have more venereal disease. – George CarlinMy wife’s an earth sign. I’m a water sign. Together we make mud. – Rodney DangerfieldIt’s hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning. – Bill Waterson of Calvin and HobbesThe reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work. – Robert FrostIf everything is coming your way, then you’re in the wrong lane – Bumper stickerIs your story over yet? I’ve passed kidney stones less painful than this. – Sophia Petrillo, The Golden GirlsWe experience moments absolutely free from worry. These brief respites are called panic. – Cullen HightowerWhen I see a glass, it’s not half empty, It’s not half full. It just needs topping up. – Bill, Weak at the Top.My psychiatrist says I have a messiah complex. But I forgave him. – Jim CarreyNot only is life a bitch, it has puppies. – Adrienne E. GusoffLife is like a box of chocolates…you never know which one might be a laxative. – Louie, Lucky LouieLife is unfair. With that face you should know that already. – Germaine Greer to John McCrickAdvertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate, so we can buy shit we don’t need. – Chuck PalahniukSon, I’m going to punish you so hard that they’ll throw a benefit concert for you. -Dan Conner, RoseanneIn California, handicap parking is for women who are frigid. – Joan Rivers


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