I can honestly divulge in this rather public blog that I am at a crossroad. Lost and torn between two cities. Some people find a fork in the road, I pretty much tripped over Gordon Ramseys pitchfork in “Hells Kitchen”.
“You’re back! Weren’t you just in Australia?!”
“So are you back for good?”
“How long are you staying this time?”
I nod, flash back a smile, tilt my head and shrug. I piece the fragments together and convey my grand plans, small expectations and quiet contemplations. Truth of the matter is, I have no freaking idea. What. So. Ever.
Boom! (that’s the aftermath of my dad’s head exploding from the above sentence)
Sure, I told my family that hey, it’s just a short 3 month stint, I’ll be back. No worries! I need the experience in a digital agency. It will be great for me to understand the “creative process”. No no, I’m not escaping and giving up on Melbourne. It’s more of a momentary respite from the past 6 months of endless job hunts. Oh woe me, I have no direction in life. Where to now. Sob sob. No thank you! Time to pick myself up, keep calm, carry on and eat some damn Nasi Lemak!
So here I am now, sweltering under the familiar humidity, feeling my mascarra drip down my cheeks under the scorching and unforgiving Malaysian sun. My sweat glands haven’t had this much action since accidentally locking myself in a toilet cubicle on the Interislander ferry in New Zealand – major panic and motion sickness attack.
Weather aside, tts been a physical and emotional week and I am still recovering from braving a 3am outing after being a hermit for close to 6 months. In the short time I’ve been back, I’ve gone to a music festival, met up with my amazing group of friends, had catch up wine sessions and gorged on four meals a day. Basically I relived the good old days and man, it’s been really (_insert vulgarity for emphasis_) awesome.
So yes, this is me being directionless – again! I can’t say for sure what will happen after my 3 month contract. Who knows? I might linger around for another job. I might leave again. I might just very well stop the crazy limbo between two cities and give up my Australian PR completely, despite my entire family living in OZ. Unfortunate irony. Really makes one question what are the factors that contribute to our sense of belonging.
Next time someone asks, I’m just going to be completely candid about it. “I have no idea what’s in store for me, but this much I know: Yesterday is gone, tomorrow is unforeseen and today, I’m going to Carpe F*cking Diem!” *fist pump in the air*