I Love You (But)


Friendship and relationship filled with buts.

It’s difficult when someone you used to talk to on a daily basis for comfort and advice become scarce, leaving you to wonder why you don’t matter enough for them to stick around. I feel deflated but somehow can’t stop prodding on this fucking lachrymose emotional fungal of a question – “Why?”. Yes, this one of those woe me posts.

I know I’m beating myself up over this but I’m a sentimental person, I value memories over the price of things and worth in people. I’m a chronic hoarder of emotions for the sake of nostalgia, I’ve never been able to let go people I love(d) without self-inflicted tempestuous torment.

It has got me thinking, a bit too much, but it has given me clarity. Although nobody is perfect, there comes a point when it becomes tiresome making excuses for others. People who wrong you, unwilling to break the muted silence of the uncomfortable tension in the air. And so it goes, we both carry on, as if nothing happened.

Matter of  fact is, if I don’t matter to you now, I must not have mattered much at all.

I’m just waiting for you to prove me wrong. I hope you do.

No more buts.

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