It’s just a little crush…


Warning: Shallow post ahead!

Ahhh the good crush. The thrill of the chase (in this case, the thrill of the stalking) – the emotional loiter, like sexual encounters sans the hassles of an actual relationship! This post is inspired by late night conversations after bar hopping across town till the wee hours of the morning, devouring a Fillet O from MCD’s on the balcony, talking about celeb crushes. I get incredibly excited – then frustrated when people don’t know who I’m rambling* on about (*read: drooling) and I can’t be arsed to google the person everytime someone goes “Ruby who?!” or “What Wilde??”. So I’ve decided to give  you a proper introduction to my Crushes.

Seeing as I’m blogging about this, it’s official – like Ross from F.R.I.E.N.D.S and his laminated list of celebs he can sleep with. These are mine.

*Numerically in no order of preference. I’d take any one of them, any given day! Dad if you’re reading this, you might want to close the window – right about now.


SHANNYN SOSSAMON

There’s just something about her I can’t put a finger in on. Her features are simply breathtaking and although her choices in movies are questionable, she’s definitely going into my laminated card of top celebs I’d like to get with…over a nice cup of coffee on a single bean bag. Wait, scratch the coffee with wine and replace bean bag with bed. Oh and did I mention she’s part Filo? Yup. Good Genes 😉


RUBY ROSE

Then there’s the spunky androgynous – DJ slash Designer slash Dyke(ish) chick from Australia. Aside from being a gay activist and charity driven individual, she’s got the kind of style and attitude no amount of PR work can fabricate. Definitely not just a pretty face! P.S She’s bats for the same team and has a tattoo sleeve. Brownie points!


RIHANNA

R&B Punk sexational superstar and style icon – my hair inspiration. She looks way better with the short do but who am I to criticise? She’s gorgeous in whatever – evidently cos have you seen her outrageous costumes!? Is she and Lady Gaga trying to have a get-up get off competition? Attire aside, I’m more attracted to her bad ass attitude and her voice – she carries a tune like an angel strapped in leather. I wouldn’t actually want to meet her, being told that she’s quite a Diva and a B queen – it would shatter the dream so, I’ll admire her from far.


MISSY PEREGRYM

The first time I laid eyes on Missy in Stick It, I was convinced she was at least a little bi. She’s said to resemble Kirsten Stewart – I’m still waiting for both of them to walk out of Narnia’s closet. But having said that, I find Missy a lot more attractive than Kirsten. Judging by this post, it’s evident that I like that bad ass, rebel without a cause, masculine-mashed-feminine look. Aside from a totally ripped body (gymnast), she’s got that shy coy look and a streak of a tomboy demeanor. If you haven’t yet watched the movie, go grab it. You will have absolutely NO REGRETS whatsoever. If you do, mail it to me and I’ll give you a full refund. *receipt required


OLIVIA WILDE

I don’t know her well – as if I know any of them – but you get what I mean. So here’s a little extract on Miss Wilde. Most interesting fact being that her dad’s surname is Cockburn. True story!

“Wilde was born in New York City on March 10, 1984. Her mother, Leslie Cockburn (née Redlich), is a 60 Minutes producer and journalist, and her London-born father, Andrew Cockburn, is an Irish journalist, as are her paternal uncles Alexander Cockburn and Patrick Cockburn, all of whom are contributors to the political website CounterPunch.org.”

Enough Cock and back to my crush history with Miss Wilde. I had a major crush on her on OC – yes I watched OC but only for her! She played a lesbian bar tender – she gets with that stick of a Misha Barton, and when her character got killed off, I stopped watching and had severe wildedrawal symptoms! She’s going to be in the Tron Legacy movie – in 3D this December. Mmmm.





 

 

Milla Jovovich

She strikes me as someone who’s incredibly comfortable under her own skin. And why shouldn’t she be? She’s stunning! Remember in 5th element? She didn’t even have a dialogue – all facial and body expression. What a talented actress. Of course the minimalistic ensemble helped. Best looking ass kickin’ zombie hunter out there. Hell, she even makes that lousy B-grade movie “The Getaway” look good! She makes me want to yell out her name from the top of a hill……

“MILLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

….and then hide when she actually gets there. I’d peep from behind a tree and whisper “Erm…..nothing.”

*Warning: Partial nudity

 

 


AngelinaFricken’Jolie

Then of course, we have the Mother of all Crushes – she needs no introduction! If you’ve not heard from her then, gosh…I’m insulted you’re even reading my blog. Kindly close this window and crawl back under your ancient boulder.  I remember watching Tomb Raider 1, when she was jumping around the walls in her white PJ’s, suspended with a rope of some sort – I got so excited I literally jumped on my seat and squatted throughout the entire scene. I could not contain myself!  She’s come a long way since Hackers & Foxfire. Now she’s a UN Ambassador MILF and I respect her too much to think of her in a physical sense but no harm appreciating a goddess. Our very own Medusa of the 20th century!


So this is where you go “I read this for the article”…….

Can’t just have all the eye candy and no reading material right? What’s this? Playboy for the non-vegan lesbian?! No no. Of course not. There must be some dose of knowledge laced in here somewhere, otherwise this would just be another post of drool. D59FXZI#^&FWNDCS – that’s me wiping off my keyboard.

In light of “crushes”, here’s symptoms of a crush – and let’s admit it, we all have one – regardless if we’re single, in a monogamous relationship, married, divorced or Marilyn Manson (dead on the inside).

So here’s my list of 10 signs of a crush

1. You dream of your crush – and you wake up wanting to go back to sleep.

2. You make up outrageous “what if” fantasies like, if I was stuck in a lift with one of the above mentioned, I’d hit the Stop button and pounce!

3. You keep photos of your crush and look over them at random times of the day with a stupid grin on your face (or jaw hanging – whichever) with some soppy music playing in the background.

4. You get the flutterflies (a more severe case of the butterflies)

5. You have heart palpitations at the mere mention of your crush’s name.

6. You imagine your crush to be perfect in every single way – eg. his/her fart would smell like CK1.

7. You lose the power of speech and simple hand eye coordination. You start mirroring Black Eyed Peas lyrical depiction of “Let’s Get Retarded In Here!”

8. You’re convinced the person will fall madly in love with you and be yours forever. He/She just doesn’t know it yet. *stalker alert

9. You have a whole list of songs you’d like to dedicate to your crush – at least one of which will be from the 80’s.

10. You get sentimental with the most ridiculous moments and objects – like when she finishes her ice cream stick, you contemplate keeping it….. *Emotional hoarder alert

Bonus 11. You’re reading this and going…dang Tersh, it’s like you found the diary I dropped when you caught me peeking through the bush at your window the other night. – I kid I kid! But seriously, if you’re a silent observer and read my blog religiously, you probably have a crush on me – You just don’t know it yet.

Updated pics of Ruby’s latest FHM interview spread, thanks to Matthew L. Chong!


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2 comments

  1. okie i just creamed myself over all of them except rihanna.

    1. The hobbit is up against the likes of the above mentioned.
      Says a lot dunnit? hahaha!

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