Break ups and make ups


Sha. This is a post I wrote a while ago but I believe it applies to your current situation. I hope you’ll be able to find some comfort in knowing that we’ve all been through this and we’ll go through alot more heartache before we find the (right) one.
No man is your friend. No man is your foe. But be sure that every man is your teacher.
———————-Break-ups and Make-ups———————-


Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.

-Kahlil Gibran

Breaking up is hard to do. That song. Have you heard it before? It’s too jocular for my liking. Like mocking a broken heart. “You can’t sleep? You can’t eat? You can’t breathe? Oh well…..”*press play*… “breaking up is hard to dooo-ooh”. Slap in the face! Turn that music off! Pop in the heavy metal. Nothing is worth this pain. My break-up song is every gay mans anthem fully equipped with disco balls, glitter and topless man swaying their hips from side to side, with invincible ropes around their wrists and their hands up in the air. Gloria Gaynor’s “I will survive”. The first 3 letters of her surname is an uncanny literary coincidence.

The word breakup itself is too brief for the weight it holds. The word has the staccato sound of a phone slamming down on you — sharp, crisp, final — yet a real-life breakup is anything but. It’s muddled, prolonged, convulted. I have been through 2 major break-ups in my life. Two long term relationships spanning over 2 years and one even hitting the 4 year mark.

The hardest part for me was readjusting my view of how I saw my life unfolding and then waking up one day and not being able to see my future because the person I built my future with, was suddenly out of my life. How do u adapt to being without the person when your lives have become so intertwined? It’s scary.

That’s why you see loveless couples doing their groceries, having mute dinners and tacit facial expressions void of any emotions. Why? because they are cowards and they have traded all the pain/fear in for a type of misery called security. The easy way out eventually becomes a tedious time consuming weigh-in.

At times of loss, I become nostalgic and I start to question everything that went wrong in my childhood, with my parents, my partners, my friendships, my Polyvinyl-Chloride-pants phase….everything. Common feelings of past hurt, traumas and losses come up. I believe this is what makes break-ups so darn difficult. That sense of failure/rejection re-ignites our past nightmares and suddenly becomes real again.

 

 

There’s a familiar phase we all go through. The 3 stages.

Stage 1.
Shock. Denial. The numbing of emotions.
This period dealing with all of the above, is the body’s natural protection against pain.
So in fact, according to science, we were all born natural-cowards. Fast swimmers no doubt, but cowards none-the-less.

Stage 2.
Fear. Anger. Depression
You will either deal with it by not letting yourself feel. Or worse, not letting go of your feelings.
I’m the latter, which sets me back usually at least a good year or so.

Stage 3.
Change.
It is not a linear path. Signs that you are getting over it? You don’t think about your ex as often. You laugh about it (without the bitter after-choke). You begin developing new feelings for someone else. There is a new sense of hope.
Basically you don’t have an emotional outburst when you’re fugly-drunk.

This is no thesis. We all go through it. Elton wrote a song about it. Mufasa appeared in the clouds and sang it to Simba. Thank you Disney for teaching us the valuable lessons of life. So why is it that when a relationship ends, we feel there is no beginning? Very simply, I think…it is the venom of love. Been there. Done that. Blogged about it.

Every time you break-up and make-up, a part of the relationship dies. It changes. Especially when it becomes a habit. I have promised myself not to allow Love’s toxin to weaken my heart and chug the train of destruction.

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5 comments

  1. Thanks babe. Any shortcuts?

  2. Bambino · · Reply

    I’m afraid not. No such thing as short cuts. The pain will help you grow. Trust me. It kills now but you will get through this – I don’t have a magic mirror or a magic glass ball to look into but its a fact because it is life.Choose the journey. Not the destination.

  3. Anonymous · · Reply

    try “eye of the tiger”haha actually.. any empowering song does help.-rayner

  4. Bambino · · Reply

    Rayner: that song is a bit too much for me. Like I feel like I’m suppose to wear boxing gloves and climb up the stairs of oblivion! But thanks anyway. I’ll keep it in mind next time I get into a bitch fight. That can be my soundtrack.

  5. Anonymous · · Reply

    everyone including T:try playing that song, then going clubbing. i’ve tried it. sounds stupid, but..you know what, i’m not even gonna try to explain it, 🙂 just try it if you want to, and see if it works for you! haha 🙂

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