Sitting at home with 2 hours of sleep has given me a kate-moss post rehab look – discoloring of skin and unflattering eye bags sans the cheekbones. With little concentration and much emotional distraction, I can’t help but ponder on the issue of trust in a relationship.
I was confronted last night and despite trying to stand my ground on my right to privacy, I was left lost, confused, angry, shocked, hurt and broken. I spent all night and day cogitating on the issue of trust in a relationship. I always believed that trust means not having to ask for proof. If you have proof, trust becomes non-required, non-relevant and non-existent.
I was once told that trust is not having to know but to believe. Trust can’t be given from your partner. It has to be from within. Hell, if I could put it in a parcel and tie a ribbon around it with her name on the card, believe you me, I would. You would. Everyone would. I guess by then, trust would become as mediocre and dispassionate as bringing a bottle of wine to a birthday party. Who is it really for?
I’m not saying that I don’t have my insecurities. I have my moments, I confess. I have no shame in admitting that I am by nature, an extremely jealous person. However, I think there is a fine line between reacting and over-reacting. I have learned from the failure of past relationships due to guerilla warfare’s stemmed from jealousy and insecurity. Sure, past experiences shape and mold our personality. It is natural for us to base assumptions on our future based on past experiences. I understand where her insecurities stem from but when I am asked to “Prove it”, I can’t help but question the symptom; the real reasons behind the mistrust.
And I ask (sincerely, not rhetorically): “What reason do you have to not trust me?”
I hope to never mistrust anyone without any foundation of doubt. Being at the receiving end is never easy but being distrusting of others is a choice and although you may be deceived if you trust too much, you will live in torment if you don’t trust at all.